01 Chuck Norris does not sleep.  He waits.
02 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
03 Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
04 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
05 A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
06 Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
07 If you Google Chuck Norris and click "I'm feeling Lucky" it will return zero results.  Consider your self lucky Chuck does not know you are looking for him, because he will find you first.
08 James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
09 Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
10 CHUCK NORRIS, go ahead and admit it, just seeing his name in bold made you pee a little.
11 Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
12 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
13 Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
14 Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
15 That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
16 "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
17 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
18 If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. 
19 Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
20 Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
21 Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.
22 Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
23 When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
24 The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
25 If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
26 Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

CHUCK NORRIS PRODUCTS (that did not sell):

01 Chuck Norris Ultimate Fighter for PS3.
    Reason: It was too realistic, everyone was afraid  to play it.

02 Chuck Norris magic 8-ball.
    Reason: The only answer was "A roundhouse kick".

03 Chuck Norris condoms.
    Reason: They only fit Chuck Norris, no one else measured up.

04 Chuck Norris energy drink.
    Reason: Only Chuck Norris can drink Napalm.

05 Chuck Norris breakfast bars.
    Reason: Not many people like ground up Ninja bones and raisins.

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